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January 2004

Breath

-Karthik Gurumurthy

Our breath is a mirror for us. Most of the time we don't look in that mirror. It is the mirror of our energy, it is the mirror of our openness. Feel how full your breath is at different times. If you want to see what is happening in you, pay attention to your breath.

 


Effective Leader-Learning

-Karthik Gurumurthy

The effective leader is a student who yearns for knowledge of his or her world. There is no room to waste in the mind of a leader. That mind must be sharpened by study, so that intelligent decisions can be made and the odds of success increased. Napoleon said, "Nothing is more difficult, and therefore more precious, than to be able to decide." If deciding is more important, then the preparation-the learning- that precedes a decision must be even more so. Finding a great opportunity only brings good fortune if you know how it suits your situation. Over the course of my life, I have learned that I must always study and understand the world in which I live, relentlessly seeking to ensure that my objectives fit their contexts.

With the humbling experiences I have gone through, I have come to see that learning springs from a deep humility and a willingness to admit that you simply do not know it all. Learning begins with a mind that is prepared to accept new knowledge. An arrogant mind that excludes new ideas is doomed to fail. We are flooded with information and as an effective leader, we need to be like a sponge. The leader must learn  fast in order to remain credible as an expert in the eyes of his or her team. The best leaders will find that they cannot know everything; they must be able to let go of their ego-not merely in order to learn new things, but also to recognize what they cannot learn. They need to know when they should trust their team's ability to accomplish what they cannot.

 

 

 


Be Predictable

-Karthik Gurumurthy

54-year-old woman had a heart attack and was taken to the hospital.

Whilst on the operating table she had a near death experience.

Seeing God, she asked "Is my time up?"

God said, "No, you have another 43 years, 2 months and 8 days to live."

Upon recovery, the woman decided to stay in the hospital and have a face-lift, liposuction, breast implants and a tummy tuck.
She even had someone come in and change her hair color and brighten her teeth!

Since she had so much more time to live, she figured she might as well make the most of it.

After her final operation, she was released from the hospital.

Whilst crossing the street on her way home, she was killed by an ambulance.

Arriving in front of God, she demanded,

"I thought you said I had another 43 years to live. Why didn't you pull me from the path of that ambulance?"

(You'll love this)

God replied: "I didn't recognize you!"


Empowered

-Karthik Gurumurthy

Empowerment ! What does that really mean? To make one aware of his/ her own worth. That they don't need anyone to tell them that they are worth it. Does that happen on its own or one needs another human being to tell them that? Does it require another human being to hold a mirror in front of another and show them what they are truly worth?

Empowerment comes from each other. Authenticity is the root of empowerment. When my mentor whom I value a lot in life tells me that, fully aware of my shortcomings and strength I feel empowered. When the focus is on building my strengths and addressing my shortcomings with appropriate solutions, I feel empowered. 

I try to do that with my students and my colleagues. I always strive to make them feel great about themselves highlighting their strengths and what they are capable. I try to do that on a day-t0-day basis.


Don't take yourselves seriously

-Karthik Gurumurthy

Mental health is an issue for most of us. But like most lifestyle diseases, most issues stem from a lack of discipline and self-awareness. Ironically, mental health can stem from too much self-love. Obsession with oneself can lead to isolation from others physically and mentally. So it's good to laugh at oneself, crack a politically incorrect joke or two sometimes, and take it one day at a time! Breathe, Hold, Breathe, and let it all go!


Interested is interesting

-Karthik Gurumurthy

Last couple of days, I wrote about how to ask questions that would help you connect with the person individually or with the organization so that you can understand the person or the situation better. My favorite story I heard which illustrates this was about a woman who had dinner with two great rival statesmen (Gladstone and Disraeli) from the Great Britain within one month. Both of them have served the Great Britain in the capacity of a Prime Minister.

When asked to compare the two men, she says, "After my dinner with Mr. Gladstone, I thought he was the cleverest man in all of England. " When her friends ask about the second evening out, she replies, " After my dinner with Mr. Disraeli, I felt as though I were the cleverest woman in all of England!"

When you make the conversation all about you, others may think you are clever. But you will not build their trust. You will not learn about them. You will squander an opportunity to build the foundations for a rich, long-term relationship.

It is a powerful lesson, indeed.


Asking right questions -Part 2

-Karthik Gurumurthy

If you are connecting with someone in person, I find these questions very useful to know about the person.

  • What would you like to be remembered for?
  • What has been your greatest accomplishment?
  • What has brought you the most fulfilment in your life?
  • Who have been influential role models or mentors to you?
  • If you had to write your obituary today, what would it say?
  • What is the most memorable book (movie, game) you have ever read/watched?

If you are coaching a team, I am sure you will find the following questions useful.

  • What questions are you grappling with now?
  • What is your time frame in achieving these goals?
  • What questions can I help you answer?
  • What are you most afraid of as you think about trying to achieve these goals?
  • What are some of the things you need to let go of in order to move forward and accomplish your goals?

 


Asking right questions

-Karthik Gurumurthy

Good questions challenge your thinking. They reframe and define the problem.  When I was in grad school, I attended a workshop which emphasized the importance of asking right questions. If someone says, "Tell me about yourself", you could start with your birth and can talk for hours. Instead, you could ask them what part of your background would most interest them and start there.

  • What part of my background interests you?
  • What aspect of that situation would you like me to focus on?
  • Before I answer that- have you had any experience with our team/organization in the past?
  • What if I started by describing a couple of examples/instances of recent work we have done for clients like you?

Follow-up questions

  • Doest that answer your question?
  • Is there anything else you would like me to talk about?

If we want to pause and think about the issue, we need to ask ourselves, "What do you think about this?" or "how do you feel about that? or would you be willing to share your views? or What has influenced your thinking about this the most? or are there any other perspectives I ought to be aware of?

If someone is trying to decide a solution for buying

  • Is there a problem or opportunity? Asking the questions such as " What is this costing you right now? If you don't fix this problem, what will be the consequences be? What do you think this opportunity is worth?
  • Who owns the problem? Are you responsible for fixing this? Who needs to be involved in a solution to this issue?
  • What would you say is missing? 
  • Why would you feel that now is the time to put extra resources against this?
  • What other solutions are you looking at?
  • What concerns do you have about us or our approach?

When you see someone doing things that are inconsistent with their core mission, we can ask the following:

  • Can you remind me of your mission and goals?
  • Is this consistent with your values and beliefs?

Instead of telling, you can ask thought-provoking questions.

Instead of being the expert, you invite others to contribute expertise.

Instead of controlling knowledge, you help draw out others' experiences.

Instead of assuming meaning, you ask about the meaning of words. 

Instead of mandating solutions, you solicit solutions from others.

Instead of showing how smart you are, show others how smart they are.

"How did you get started?" is a question that you can ask a successful achiever.  Other questions are, "who taught you? How did you learn your craft?" "Where did you grow up?" "How did you decide to do that at the time?' "What was the toughest learn you had to learn?"

When you want to understand what motivates and drives the other person you can ask, what are the most exciting parts of your job/ of what you do? Why?

What are you most passionate about in your professional life?

What would make it even more rewarding?

What in your life gives you your greatest sense of satisfaction?

If you want to probe further, you can ask the following questions.

Is there room for further improvement?

In what ways could this be even better?

What's stopping you?

If someone is reluctant, you can ask,

What are your biggest doubts or reservations?

Can you commit fully to this?

Other follow-up questions would be something like:

  • If you had additional resources, what initiatives would you invest them on?
  • What have you been focusing on most during your first six months on the job?
  • Are there any issues we haven't discussed that you think are relevant to this particular challenge?
  • Is there anyone else you think I should talk to in order to get additional perspective in this issue?
  • What is getting in the way of doing that?
  • What's your next step from here?
  • What does your heart tell you?
  • Can you say more about that?
  • What is the most memorable thing you took away from that experience?
  • What are the most enjoyable parts of your job and which parts do you find least enjoyable?
  • What do you wish you could devote more time to?
  • What is getting in the way of making that change?
  • What is the most profound question you have been asked? That you have ever asked anyone?
  • What is the most difficult question you have ever been asked?
  • Looking ahead in your life, what do you think will give you the greatest sense of achievement? The most personal fulfillment
  • What are some things you haven't done but which you would like to do before you die?
  • What could get in the way of accomplishing that?
  • If you were to summarize the principles or values, I exemplify what would some of them be?
  • What else could I do to better communicate and be a role model for these things?
  • What was the greatest day of your life?
  • What event in your life has brought you the greatest joy?
  • What things have you decided not to do?
  • Why do you think they aren't doing those things?
  • Why do you think you should start there?
  • Why do you think that's happening?
  • What is your most personally gratifying achievement?
  • What is the one achievement you are proudest of?
  • In thinking about all of your achievements, which one do you think other people will most remember, and why?

After a meeting:

  • Is there a decision that I need to make or that I can help you make?
  • What is the purpose of this meeting? What decisions do we want to make today?
  • What is needed in order for a decision to be made on this?
  • Do we all agree about that?
  • What have you tried?
  • What do you think your options are?
  • What is the thing you are most concerned about?
  • Is there a dream you've yet to fulfill?
  • After this, is there a particular challenge that excites you?

Peter Drucker's five questions:

  • What is your mission?
  • Which are the most important relationships you want to invest in?
  • What are the essential priorities and goals of those closest to you?
  • What are your expectations of the people around you, and what do they expect of you?
  • What is your plan?

Will continue this questions discussion tomorrow.


Take the first step

-Karthik Gurumurthy

There is no “perfect” time to start. And the longer you hold off, the scarier it will feel to finally take action.

Instead of waiting for every detail to be just right, point yourself in the right direction. Then figure out the easiest, most achievable first step—and take it before you can second-guess yourself! That might be, “Look at the University/research page,” “Start a draft of your project,” or “Walk for 20 minutes.”


Priorities

-Karthik Gurumurthy

SON: "Daddy, may I ask you a question?"
DAD: "Yeah sure, what is it?"
SON: "Daddy, how much do you make an hour?"
DAD: "That's none of your business. Why do you ask such a thing?"
SON: "I just want to know. Please tell me, how much do you make an hour?"
DAD: "If you must know, I make $100 an hour."
SON: "Oh! (With his head down).
SON: "Daddy, may I please borrow $50?"
The father was furious.
DAD: "If the only reason you asked that is so you can borrow some money to buy a silly toy or some other nonsense, then you march yourself straight to your room and go to bed. Think about why you are being so selfish. I work hard everyday for such this childish behavior."

The little boy quietly went to his room and shut the door.
The man sat down and started to get even angrier about the little boy's questions. How dare he ask such questions only to get some money?
After about an hour or so, the man had calmed down, and started to think:
Maybe there was something he really needed to buy with that $ 50 and he really didn't ask for money very often. The man went to the door of the little boy's room and opened the door.

DAD: "Are you asleep, son?"

SON: "No daddy, I'm awake".
DAD: "I've been thinking, maybe I was too hard on you earlier. It's been a long day and I took out my aggravation on you. Here's the $50 you asked for."

The little boy sat straight up, smiling.
SON: "Oh, thank you daddy!"
Then, reaching under his pillow he pulled out some crumpled up bills. The man saw that the boy already had money, started to get angry again. The little boy slowly counted out his money, and then looked up at his father.

DAD: "Why do you want more money if you already have some?"

SON: "Because I didn't have enough, but now I do."

"Daddy, I have $100 now. Can I buy an hour of your time? Please come home early tomorrow. I would like to have dinner with you."

The father was crushed. He put his arms around his little son, and he begged for his forgiveness. It's just a short reminder to all of you working so hard in life. We should not let time slip through our fingers without having spent some time with those who really matter to us, those close to our hearts. Do remember to share that $100 worth of your time with someone you love? If we die tomorrow, the company that we are working for could easily replace us in a matter of days. But the family and friends we leave behind will feel the loss for the rest of their lives. And come to think of it, we pour ourselves more into work than to our family.


Attitude

-Karthik Gurumurthy

"When you extend pure love to everyone with selfless motivation that is an attitude of kindness.

When you send good wishes and pure feelings to those who are in deep sorrow, that is an attitude of mercy.

When you see the virtues rather than the weaknesses in people that is an attitude of compassion.

When you bless and uplift someone even as they defame you, that is an attitude of forgiveness.

When you tolerate a situation and take responsibility as well as give cooperation even when not appreciated, that is an attitude of humility and self-respect.

Every second, every moment and every breath of your life is nurtured by attitude."


Habit

-Karthik Gurumurthy

A Great mountain is the sum of grains of dust and the vast oceans are the total of small drops of water, so are our lives the sum of our habits and routines,  Our tiny actions, good or bad, add up and make us what we are.

Basically, our brain develops habits to save energy. For example, when we first learn to ride a bicycle, it consumes every bit of our concentration. But once it becomes a habit, it becomes virtually automatic, thus freezing up our minds to watch our surroundings, chat, sing, navigate and enjoy the ride.

The brain treats all habits the same and does not distinguish between a 'good' habit and a 'bad' habut, so we must deliberately choose them,  Just like brushing our teeth, a habit is not something we do once or twice to expect results. Once selected it must be implemented until it becomes automatic.

My dad always says, "habits and virtues we choose have profound consequences." It is important t hat we develop good habits. Whatever is measured improves. It is important to keep a log of the progress of what you are measuring. One of the things I tell students who want to improve their reading comprehension skills, is to read atleast 30 minutes a day for 3 weeks.  In the end, we become what we think about.

 

 


Ego and Peace

-Karthik Gurumurthy

Ego says: "Once everything falls into place, I will find peace"

Spirit says: "Find peace and everything will fall into place".

Nothing ever falls into place. One has to constantly work peacefully at it. Life is always full of challenging times and good times. Being peaceful amidst challenging times is an art to be perfected for your own good; always knowing that everything destined to happen has an appropriate time. Trust the process, trust the journey, learn from it.


Focus on the solutions

-Karthik Gurumurthy

“Sometimes we face times when situations are challenging or people are difficult to manage. If we focus on the problem, we get upset, we worry, we fear, we blame and we complain. All these deplete our energy, and in a depleted state, our problem appears even bigger. We need to save our energy and focus it on creating solutions.

Do you often keep talking about your problems more than solutions, and dwell on negative feelings? During a crisis do you get stuck ruminating, thinking and discussing - Who was responsible, why did it happen, how could things go so wrong with me? Or do you remind yourself and others involved, to simply focus on what is to be done now?

However bad our situation is, its solution is the only thing that really matters. Loading the mind with overwhelming questions drains our energy apart from wasting time. We need to silence the mind, not allow it to go on with thoughts of blame, feeling like a victim, criticizing or rejecting the situation. These thoughts deplete us, deplete others and deplete the energy of the situation. This approach magnifies the problem. Details of the problem can be thought of later, immediate need is to shift to solutions.

Let’s accept the problem. It has already happened so we need to focus on the present moment. Let’s divert our every thought to seek a solution, create a solution and implement it. Remember your responsibility and empower everyone to together focus on solving the problem. “


Memories

-Karthik Gurumurthy

Our memories often remind us of our relationship with someone. When we have spent a good time with them, we remember them fondly.

Sometimes we do not have a very pleasant experience with someone. They may have betrayed, lied or hurt us in some way. When we go back to our memories, it freshens our wounds and that unpleasant experience gets revived.

Be true and give your best in a relationship. The moments you spend with them should leave a positive influence, not a hurtful one.

Be Happy
Be Loving
Be Caring
Be Humble


Training your mind

-Karthik Gurumurthy

“The mind is like our child. Even as we go about fulfilling our responsibilities, priority needs to be the well-being of this child within. We need to nourish it, love it and comfort it. People believe they have lost control over their mind and wish to control other people’s minds to feel powerful. Our mind is the only entity in our control. A little attention and love will discipline this inner child.

1. Like you remain connected to your children always, be connected to your mind and guide it at every step. While fulfilling responsibilities like household work, family, career and health, your priority should be the child within.

2. This inner child may not be in your control only because it is not taught how to think or how much to think. Meditate and read spiritual messages daily, it becomes a source for the mind to create right thoughts.

3. While taking care of your responsibilities, the child might start crying – which means it is irritated, angry, jealous, scared or hurt. Withdraw for a minute from whatever you are doing to silence the child. Teach your mind to be powerful when people are not fair to you, to forget the past and to think nice for all.

4. Discipline this child with love, not force or harshness. When you understand your mind, understanding others becomes simple. While dealing with others, you are dealing with the child within them.”


Celebrate everyone's successes

-Karthik Gurumurthy

“When people are doing better than you, do you feel happy for them – genuinely or superficially or not happy at all - because you are yet to get there? Deep down you want to be happy but does your mind start analyzing what their achievement means to you?

When someone is doing very well at work, education, family, personality or in possessions, it doesn’t mean they are better than us. It just means they have achieved more than us at that particular moment. Let's compliment them.

Each one receives their fair share according to their karmas , nothing more and nothing less. Being happy for people’s happiness implies we are happy with ourselves. It also finishes our weaknesses like ego, jealousy or insecurity. If we don’t look at people as competitors, they will co-operate with us. Let’s remind ourselves I am happy for everyone who does well and everyone who is appreciated. People who have achieved more than me motivate me to do well. I congratulate them, I celebrate their achievements, I feel their happiness. So much to learn from them”

 


Break the Cycle

-Karthik Gurumurthy

"Be the person who break the cycle.

If you were judged, choose understanding. 

If you were rejected, choose acceptance.

If  you were shamed, choose compassion.

Be the person you neeeded when you were hurting, not the person who hurt you.  

Vow to be better than what broke you- to heal instead of becoming bitter so you can act from your heart, not your pain.

 


Happy Birthday, Kapil Dev

-Karthik Gurumurthy

From Haryana's fields, a legend did rise,
With fiery spirit and glint in his eyes.
Kapil Dev, the name that rings true,
India's hero, with deeds bold and new.

His bat, a wand, conjuring runs untold,
Hooks and pulls, stories bravely unfold.
At Tunbridge wells  he stood, defiant and tall,
175 runs, a champion's call.

The World Cup gleamed, a distant desire,
Underdogs they were, fueled by inner fire.
With ball in hand, he unleashed his might,
Swing and seam, taking wickets in flight.

Zimbabwe's despair, a final stand made,
But Kapil soared, victory displayed.
The cup held high, a nation took flight,
Cricket's new dawn, bathed in golden light.

More than runs and wickets, a spirit he gave,
Never say die, a belief brave.
His captaincy, fierce and fair,
A team united, a challenge to dare.

From Ranji grounds to international fame,
Kapil Dev's legend, forever the same.
An inspiration, a story to tell,
The Haryana Hurricane, etching his spell.

Happy Birthday, the Greatest allrounder India has ever produced!


Focus on what's going to be created

-Karthik Gurumurthy

"Sometimes, we find ourselves desperately trying to fix a broken situation, desperately holding onto what's already shattered. But here's a powerful truth: in the midst of chaos, there lies an opportunity to create something even more remarkable.

Instead of dwelling on what's broken, shift your focus to what's waiting to be built. Let go of the past and ignite your imagination with the endless possibilities that lie ahead. This is your chance to construct a future that surpasses your wildest dreams."


Affirmations

-Karthik Gurumurthy

“Affirmations are positive and powerful thoughts that we create for success in daily life. They radiate good and positive spiritual energy to our physical body, people around us and also to the environment that surrounds us. This energy creates positive circumstances in our physical well-being, relationships, financial well-being as well as personal and professional roles, which makes our destiny positive.

Create an affirmation for the day and practice it the entire day.

Emerge the affirmation that you have created, as a positive thought in your mind, first thing in the morning as soon as you wake up, before eating and drinking anything and just before sleeping. That means about 10-15 times in the day.

Make sure your affirmation is experienced and not just repeated in your mind, which increases its success because an affirmation which is experienced, radiates a more positive and powerful vibration to the Universe and it comes back with a more positive result.

Make your affirmation full of positive words and phrases of success e.g. use words like I am instead of I will, I am not, etc. You can also make your affirmation based on the situation that exists in your life at that time.

Practice the same affirmation the entire day and in some cases, in a particular situation, you can practice the same affirmation for a few days together, for positive results.”


Am I a difficult person?

-Karthik Gurumurthy

1. If you think that everyone is wrong and you are always right. You are making yourself a DIFFICULT PERSON.

2. When you have something wrong to say about every good person or thing, You just might be a DIFFICULT PERSON.

3. If you have gradually become too hard to please. Beware, You are becoming a DIFFICULT PERSON.

4. When You argue about everything, even when there is no need for it. Be careful, you are becoming a DIFFICULT PERSON.

5. You know the reason why people do what they do...You pride yourself as a mind reader...Are you GOD? Of course, you are not; You are just a *DIFFICULT PERSON.

6. If everyone around you walks on egg shells. They'd rather not talk to you....You are a DIFFICULT PERSON.

7. If you have a correction for everyone but none for yourself....YOU ARE A DIFFICULT PERSON

8. If You never say I AM SORRY; or must be cajoled into saying it... You are a DIFFICULT PERSON

9. If You are too adamant about forgiving others... You are a DIFFICULT PERSON .

10.  Dearly Beloved, a DIFFICULT PERSON has to be very Careful; otherwise at some point in your Journey, you might discover you are walking Alone.

DON'T BE A DIFFICULT PERSON

Think About This and change!


Be caring but staying detached

-Karthik Gurumurthy


“We were always taught never to give pain or sadness to anyone. It was wrong karma. So we are careful in our actions and interactions with people. But an equally important skill to master, is to not take pain or sadness from others.


Absorbing people’s pain is as equally damaging as giving it. You live a righteous life. You have never intentionally given pain to people. But, have you taken pain from people without even knowing it? Which means, do you go into pain seeing someone sad? Or do you feel uncomfortable when someone behaves in ways that you don’t approve of?


It’s important not to inflict pain on anyone, but equally important is that we should not consume anyone’s pain. People around us are in emotional pain. They are insecure, jealous, angry or scared. Since they haven't healed their pain, they radiate these energies to us with their behaviors. They are unwell and not intentionally harming us. If we create hurt seeing them hurt, we consume pain. If we question and resist their behaviors, we again consume pain. Our responsibility is to detach emotionally, remain stable and understand them.

Let us radiate acceptance and support them. Be a strong caregiver to people who are in pain, instead of catching their emotional infection. “