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November 2005

Understanding People

“No one ever understands me!” Many complain thus. Only a weak mind would wail like this! For, no one with mental toughness would moan like this! On the contrary, they claim that they understand the others around them.

This is applicable even to couples. Many couples live like enemies under one roof, because of a lack of understanding.

In everyone’s mind, there is a map of how others should be. We create pictures based on this map — how to laugh when happy, how to cry when sad, how to behave when angry... The answers to these are well defined in everyone’s minds.

We constantly try to view others in terms of our maps. If someone does not fit the image, we get upset. The question however is, should the map fit the territory or should the territory fit the map?

Here is an example.

A wife had the notion that speaking aloud was tantamount to showing disrespect to others. Her husband, from a different culture, felt that speaking aloud on an important issue would draw attention to the point being talked about.

What would be the result of this difference in perceptions?

Whenever the husband wanted to emphasize what he was saying, he would raise his voice. The wife would consider this as disrespect and move away. According to the husband, walking away from a discussion was disrespectful to others. So he would raise his voice still further and say, “Listen to what I have to say before you go!”

Just consider for a second, what would happen if the reactions were violent?

An ordinary conversation between the two would create a great rift between them.

Another example.

A wife was brought up in a culture in which the word ‘goose’ was a term of endearment. She liberally called her husband ‘goose’, meaning ‘darling’ or ‘sweetheart’.

The husband, from a different culture, viewed this as an insult. While studying in school, he had been branded as an ‘goose’ for no fault of his. This lingering insult surfaced whenever his wife addressed him thus.

Again consider for a second, what would happen if the reactions were violent!

When you converse with another, particularly while dealing with a problem, do not look at the literal meaning of the word spoken. Doubly check how the spoken word is understood by the spouse. There is a tantrum trigger in everyone.

Let your experience guide you. Please understand, each word triggers a subjective meaning in an individual. This subjective meaning depends on one’s own background. Be sensitive to others.

Check out this incident.

A Saint was delivering a discourse. During his discourse, he asked one of his favorite disciples, “Krishna, has it got in?” (he meant, had the student understood the lecture).

Krishna, whose attention had been diverted by a rat entering a hole in the wall, answered, “All except the tail has got in.”


Struggle & Victory

Many of us have a high regard for Japanese products. They are sold all over the world. Many American and European companies fear the invasion of Japanese products in their markets. Let us take the example of Honda, a leading automobile manufacturer.

In the centre of this company, we find the perseverance of an ordinary Japanese man named Honda. Honda was a simple person. He wanted to design a new type of piston to improve the performance of cars. He was sure his attempt would yield path-breaking results. He offered his designs to Toyota. The engineers turned him down even without meeting him. But he did not lose heart.

His repeated attempts to meet Toyota engineers finally succeeded – but they only ridiculed him. But he did not lose heart and put in a lot of effort to convince them. Finally he obtained an order to supply pistons to Toyota.

Honda invested all his resources – money, materials, knowledge, hard work as capital and constructed a plant to produce pistons.

Suddenly, there was an earthquake in Japan that destroyed his factory. Yet, Honda had faith in his own ability. Once again, he started construction.

Just when it was ready and production was to begin, World War II broke out. Bombs rained on Japan, and most of the country was devastated. So was Honda's factory.

Although Honda lost his factory, property, wealth and friends, he did not lose his self-confidence. He continued his efforts and began to construct his factory for the third time.

Today, the Honda Car Company produces and sells more cars than Toyota.

Honda is not only an example of “perseverance”, it has also added honor to concept.

Most of us wilt when we face minor setbacks. We back out when problems recur. Successful people are always a part of a solution, not victims of problems. This is seen clearly from the life of Honda.

Einstein was dismissed from school with a remark that he was a dullard. Had he given up then, the world would never have known the greatest scientist of all times.

Norma Jean Baker was a young girl who aspired to be a model. The modelling company rejected her. She was offered the post of a clerk.

If she had buried her dreams of becoming a model, a wonderful film artiste called Marilyn Monroe would never have become the dream girl of thousands.

Music was the very life-breath for Beethoven. His hearing was impaired. At the age of 46, it became worse and finally he turned totally deaf.

For a great musician, nothing could be more devastating than this impediment.

An ordinary person would have been very distressed but Beethoven overcame the handicap.

He created great compositions including five rare symphonies.

A newspaper owner told a young artist to pursue any vocation but art because he did not possess creative ideas.

However, the young artist went on to build the Walt Disney empire through his original idea of Mickey Mouse.

In 1962, the Decca Recording Company turned down the work of the Beatles. The Beatles turned out to be great singers. “We will succeed” – this desire should burn like an ember within us.

The ember of enthusiasm should never be put off.

In order to reach the peak of success, it is only natural that one has to overcome many impediments.

Just as mountaineers face obstacles like stones, thorns, wild beasts, cold, snowstorms along the way, one has to face difficulties while progressing towards success.

If one gets disheartened and withdraws from pursuits, the joy of success will not be attainable.


Understanding People

by John C. Maxwell

Successful leadership is about 90 percent people knowledge and 10 percent product knowledge. Henry Ford once said, "You can take my factories, burn up my buildings, but give me my people and I’ll build the business right back again."

You can have strong people skills and not be a good leader, but you cannot be a good leader without people skills. In my thirty plus years of leadership, I’ve discovered that many people in leadership positions fail to ever gain a proper understanding of the people they lead. As a result, neither they nor their people ever reach their potential.

But successful leaders are able to discern the needs of their people instinctively, then take action to meet them. The following is a list of the most common needs of people and how to meet them effectively. Though every item may not be true of the people you lead, take the time to determine what items do describe them. Then commit to take the proper action to put you and your people on the road to success.

1. PEOPLE LIKE TO FEEL SPECIAL... COMPLIMENT THEM
The highest compliment a person can receive is one given by his or her leader. Mark Twain said, "One compliment can keep me going for a whole month." Take the time to notice your people’s work and don’t hesitate to tell them when they’ve done a good job. Make a habit of being generous and sincere with your compliments.

2. PEOPLE LOOK FOR A BETTER TOMORROW... GIVE THEM HOPE
Jean Kerr said, "Hope is the feeling we have that the feeling we have isn’t permanent." In other words, when your people are having trouble seeing the light at the end of the tunnel, remind them of the purpose of their work and help them envision what their work will accomplish. With hope your people will work harder and longer to see a task through to completion.

3. PEOPLE NEED TO BE UNDERSTOOD... LISTEN TO THEM
Every leader would be wise to heed the Cherokee saying: "Listen to the whispers and you won’t have to hear the screams." Don’t judge what your people want to tell you before they’ve told you. Take time to understand their point of view and listen to their suggestions. It’s the best way to ensure that they’ve been listening to you and it opens the door to innovative ideas for improvement.

4. PEOPLE LACK DIRECTION... NAVIGATE FOR THEM
Don Herald said, "Unhappiness is not knowing what we want and killing ourselves to get it." Part of your job as a leader is to help your people figure out what they’re most passionate about, then help them pursue it. Sometimes that may involve a position change within your organization or even allowing a person to pursue another opportunity. But when you understand that effectiveness comes as a result of surrounding yourself with people who love what they do, it’s not difficult to let a person go who doesn’t enjoy their work. Spend your best time developing and giving direction to those who are passionate about the work your organization is accomplishing.

Tom Peters said, "Techniques don’t produce quality products or pick up the garbage on time; people do, people who care, people who are treated as creatively contributing adults." Before you ask anything of your people, make sure you’ve taken the time to understand and meet their needs. In doing so, you will give yourself a decided edge in maintaining their continued support.

This article is used by permission from Dr. John C. Maxwell’s free monthly e-newsletter "Leadership Wired" available at http://www.injoy.com/">www.injoy.com.


Its Okay to Dream!

“Don’t discard your fantasies as merely wishful thinking. Honor them as messages from the deepest part of your being about what you can do and directions you can choose.” -- Sanaya Roman and Duane Packer

What are your deepest heart-felt desires, dreams and visions?

Our deepest desires and dreams align with the essence of who we are. The more we align with that essence, the more our life holds meaning, purpose and fulfilment.

Do you have a sense of your destiny?

"Dreams are renewable. No matter what our age or condition, there are still untapped possibilities within us and new beauty waiting to be born." -- Dale E. Turner

“Everybody builds a dream in their lifetime. You’re either going to build your dream, or somebody else's. So build your own!" -- Christopher LaBrec


Travel light: JC Maxwell

Hi Winners,

This is a phenomenal article from JC Maxwell. Just shed the baggage and move on. You will understand what I am saying after you are done reading this!

Cheers,

Karthik

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TRAVEL LIGHT

BY JOHN C. MAXWELL

One of the first international trips my wife, Margaret, and I took together was to Japan. When we were choosing luggage for our journey, we decided to get the biggest suitcases we could find. It seemed like a logical idea at the time—after all, the bigger the suitcase, the more we could pack in it.

Unfortunately, while we were packing, it never once occurred to me that we were going to have to carry those bags wherever we went. Now, if you know anything at all about Japan, you know that traveling by rail is often the best way to get around there. Needless to say, we spent a lot of time lugging our suitcases in and out of train stations. I remember going to one particular depot with two bags that were as big as me, both stuffed nearly to bursting. I was struggling to get to the train with my suitcases, Margaret was struggling down the street with hers, and neither of us was very happy about the whole situation.

Finally, I'd had enough. I stopped right where I was, put the suitcases down and said, "Margaret, anyone who can carry these suitcases can have them! I'm just going to leave them right here. I'm not carrying them anymore."

That little incident, which my sweet wife and I jokingly say is closest we ever came to getting divorced, taught us a valuable lesson: Travel light.

Margaret and I learned this lesson so well that, on subsequent trips, we've literally gone out of the country with nothing but our carry-on luggage. In addition to preserving our marital bliss, traveling light alleviates the stress of keeping track of numerous bags, saves time previously spent waiting around at airport baggage claims and keeps us from getting worn out before we ever get to our destination. On top of all that, it doesn't take us nearly as long to unpack once we get home.

As helpful as it is to travel light on a business trip or vacation, it's even more critical to travel light through life. Let me explain what I mean. Many people go through life with far too much emotional baggage. They didn't necessarily intend to fill the biggest bags they could find with their personal junk, but along the way, they've somehow managed to collect quite a stash. A chip on the shoulder here; an ugly batch of pent-up anger there. Ten years' worth of hurt feelings here; three decades of rejection there. I could go on, but I'm sure you get the picture.

Sadly, these individuals fail to realize the damage their excess baggage is inflicting on themselves and others. For example, a recent survey indicated that people with emotional problems are 144 percent more likely to have automobile accidents than those who do not have such problems. In addition, one of the study's most sobering findings was that one out of every five victims of fatal accidents had quarreled with someone in the six hours before the accident.

This is why it's so important to practice what I call "keeping short accounts." When you keep a short account, you ask for forgiveness quickly when you hurt someone. When you treat someone badly, you make it right as soon as possible. You don't hold grudges. You don't go to bed angry. You don't allow your own injured feelings to fester into bitterness or resentment.

The importance of keeping short accounts really hit home with me when I had a heart attack several years ago. As I lay there, honestly not knowing if I was going to live or die, I felt a tremendous amount of peace because I knew my relational ledger was clean. Ironically, the thought that kept coming to my mind during those first tense hours was, "I don't have to call anybody on the phone." It was true. I didn't have to make any last-ditch apologies or ninth-hour requests for forgiveness because I had made an intentional effort to travel light through life.

From a practical standpoint, traveling light means that I have to ask somebody to forgive me almost every day. It means that I often have to sit down with Margaret and say, "I'm sorry for using that tone of voice; I was wrong." It means that I have to initiate reconciliation with people who have offended me, not wait for them to make the first move.

None of this is easy. It's often humbling and hard on my ego. And yet, the alternative is much worse. Failing to travel light blurs your focus on what really matters and impairs your ability to live and lead effectively. So if you're carrying a bunch of excess baggage, get rid of it. Write a letter. Make a phone call. Do whatever you need to do.

Just do it now. You've got more important things to do than cart around unnecessary—and potentially life-threatening—luggage for the rest of your life.

"This article is used by permission from Dr. John C. Maxwell's free monthly e-newsletter 'Leadership Wired' available at www.MaximumImpact.com."


Just do it

"Everyone who has ever taken a shower has had an idea. It's the person who gets out of the shower, dries off, and does something about it that makes a difference."

-- Nolan Bushnell

Creativity and intuition are meaningless unless you put the ideas that arise into action. We must make some effort to do things differently or to do different things, or our lives remain the same.

"People spend too much time finding other people to blame, too much energy finding excuses for not being what they are capable of being, and not enough energy putting themselves on the line, growing out of the past, and getting on with their lives."

-- J. Michael Straczynski


Goal setting

Setting Your Goals
By: Brian Tracy

In my conversations with hundreds of top salespeople over the years, I have found that they all have one thing in common. They have taken the time to sit down and create a clear blueprint for themselves and their future lives. Even if they started the process of goal setting and personal strategic planning with a little skepticism, every one of them has become a true believer.

Becoming A True Believer
Every one of them has been amazed at the incredible power of goal setting and strategic planning. Every one of them has accomplished far more than they ever believed possible in selling and they ascribe their success to the deliberate process of thinking through every aspect of their work and their lives, and then developing a detailed, written road map to get them to where they wanted to go.

The Definition of Happiness
Happiness has been defined as, "The progressive achievement of a worthy ideal, or goal." When you are working progressively, step-by-step toward something that is important to you, you generate within yourself a continuous feeling of success and achievement. You feel more positive and motivated. You feel more in control of your own life. You feel happier and more fulfilled. You feel like a winner, and you soon develop the psychological momentum that enables you to overcome obstacles and plough through adversity as you move toward achieving the goals that are most important to you.

Determine Your Values
Personal strategic planning begins with your determining what it is you believe in and stand for-your values. Your values lie at the very core of everything you are as a human being. Your values are the unifying principles and core beliefs of your personality and your character. The virtues and qualities that you stand for are what constitute the person you have become from the beginning of your life to this moment. Your values, virtues and inner beliefs are the axle around which the wheel of your life turns. All improvement in your life begins with your clarifying your true values and then committing yourself to live consistent with them.

Fuzzy or Clear?
Successful people are successful because they are very clear about their values. Unsuccessful people are fuzzy or unsure. Complete failures have no real values at all.

Build Self-Confidence and Self-Esteem
Values clarification is the beginning exercise in building self-confidence, self-esteem and personal character. When you take the time to think through your fundamental values, and then commit yourself to living your life consistent with them, you feel a surge of mental strength and well-being. You feel stronger and more capable. You feel more centered in the universe and more competent of accomplishing the goals you set for yourself.

Action Exercises
Here are two things you can do immediately to put these ideas into action.

First, decide for yourself what makes you truly ha ppy and then organize your life around it. Write down your goals and make plans to achieve them.

Second, begin with your values by deciding what it is you stand for and believe in. Commit yourself to live consistent with your inner most convictions - and you'll never make another mistake.


Get out of your comfort zone

"When coasting in our comfort zones, we don't grow. We continue to do more of the same.... Maintaining a comfort zone can, paradoxically, lead to discomfort in the long run. If by being comfortable we avoid important life issues, internal tension accumulates.... Eventually, as both internal and external pressures for change persist, the ‘comfort zone’ ceases to serve us."

-- Eric Allenbaugh

It takes effort to change. What do you most want to change in your life? Make a list of what you can do to start the process. Try journaling, perhaps. Read books. Take a course. Find a mentor. Seek out support.

How will you commit time to make it happen? When are you going to start? Your life is passing quickly!

"Be not afraid of changing slowly; be afraid only of standing still."

-- Chinese Proverb


Your Life's Purpose

50 Questïons To Help You Find Your Life’s Purpose – By Lance Beggs ***
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Let’s get straight into it!

If you want to live a happy life, then you MUST spend some time deciding what you want to do with your life, and then make the effort to live that life with passion.

It’s up to you!

No one else is going to do it for you.

So, take some time out from your busy day-to-day routine, and consider the following questïons.

1. What is my life’s purpose?

2. If I had to take a best guess at my life’s purpose, what would it  be?

3. Who am I?

4. What is the most important thing in my life?

5. What do I love to do, more than anything else?

6. If I had only six months left to live, what would I like to achieve?

7. What would I like to leave the world, as my legacy?

8. What would I do with my life, if I knew I could not fail?

9. If monëy, or time, or current responsibilities were not an issue, what would I like to do with my life, more than anything else in the world?

10. What activities have I discovered that give me the most pleasure?

11. What do I still want to learn?

12. When I was a child, what did I dream of doing with my life?

13. What has been the greatest challenge that I have overcome so far in  my life? Could I help other people to overcome that same challenge?

14. What challenge would I love to overcome, and then help others achieve the same?

15. Who are the people I most admire?

16. Why do I admire these people?

17. How would I define their life’s purpose?

18. What qualities do these people possess that I’d also like to be  known for?

19. What is the biggest dream I have ever had for my life?

20. What subjects did I enjoy most in school?

21. What sport have I most enjoyed?

22. What art or craft have I most enjoyed?

23. What social activity have I most enjoyed?

24. What hobbies have I pursued?

25. What hobbies do I wish I had pursued?

26. What would I like to do, if only other people didn’t think it was silly?

27. Where in the world would I most like to live?

28. Who would I like to live there with?

29. Where in the world would I like to work?

30. Who would I most like to work with?

31. What would my perfect day be like?

32. Is there a spiritual side to me, waiting to be unleashed?

33. What would I like to do, RIGHT NÖW, which would bring me the most happiness or pleasure?

34. What special gift do I have that I could give to the world?

35. What makes me cry with joy, or brings tears to my eyes?

36. What would I like to do this weekend, just for fun?

37. If I could be granted the power to change the world, what would I  do?

38. If I were given three wishes, what would they be?

39. What is something that scares me a bit, but would be really  exciting if I did it?

40. What does my heart say I am to do with my life?

41. What qualities do I possess that I am really proud of?

42. What have I done in my life that I am really proud of?

43. If I had time available to contribute to a charity, or some cause,what would it be?

44. What am I usually doing when I suddenly realise that time has flown by, and all my focus has been on that one task?

45. What do I want to do on my next vacation?

46. Who in history would I most love to be, and why?

47. What do I most regret not doing, so far in my life?

48. At the end of my life, what would I most regret not having done?

49. What is my life’s purpose?

50. If I had to take a best guess at my life’s purpose, and just get started with something that excites me, what would it be?

Ponder these questïons for a while. Pick out one that you can reallyrelate to, and ask yourself the question over and over and over, until you have an answer.

The answers are within. If you ask, you will receive your answer.

You can live a life of purpose. You can live a life of passion and success! Ask, until you get your answer. And then take massive action.It’s worth it, I promise.

Lance Beggs.

About the Author:
Lance Beggs is the author of the "How to be Happy Nöw" newsletter, and the soon to be released "How to be Happy Nöw" book. His mission is to help others live a life of meaning, love and happiness.