by Karthik Gurumurthy
Today morning I got up around 4 AM to change diapers for little Ashwin. After feeding him and trying to get a burp from him, I got sometime to read one of my favorite books of all time. I would like to share what I got from it..
In his excellent book, "Bringing Out The Best In People", Dr. Alan Loy McGinnis cites a quote from Thomas Aquinas: "When you want to convert a man to your view, you go over to where he is standing, take him by the hand and guide him. You don't stand across the room and shout at him; you don't call him a dummy; you don't order him to come over to where you are. You start where he is, and work from that position. That's the only way to get him to budge."
Apparently, people haven't changed much since the 13th century, when that statement was made. And, the chances are, people won't change much in that regard over the 'next' eight centuries, either. Attempting to change a person's views by telling them how wrong they - or how right we - are is perhaps the most counter-productive "persuasion" method there is. Yet, how many times have we done that? (How many times have 'I' done that?....more than I'd like to admit.)
In teaching us how to lead and persuade more effectively, Dr. McGinnis relates the story of one of the country's top salesmen of the early 1900's, J. Elliot Hall. Hall said he'd first been a failure at selling because he had been making "too many positive statements." That sounds a bit silly, doesn't it? But, according to the author, Hall explained that his mistake had been "to spend too much time trying to extol the product and too little time asking questions of the prospective customer." He eventually changed his style from "telling" to asking questions that would "help the other people to recognize what they want, then {I could} help them decide how to get it."
Wow! How profound. And, please keep in mind that, in the persuasion process, the other person is our prospect for whatever it is we are selling (idea, concept, plans for dinner, political preference, etc.). What McGinnis suggests then is, rather than tell a person why they are wrong, or why we are right, "to make a thorough study of the other person's needs." And he makes a lot of sense. After all, only by first understanding their feelings, their belief system, their view of the world - and the specific issue at hand - are we in a position to move them to our side of an issue.
Remember what Dale Carnegie, author of the classic, "How to Win Friends And Influence People" said, "People do things for 'their' reasons, not ours. So find their reasons." Do this, and I can practically guarantee your positive persuasion rate will shoot through the roof.
See you at the top!