Striving towards Excellence

-Karthik Gurumurthy

Continuing where I left off yesterday, I feel so many of us spend countless hours or weeks, in some sad cases, years, trying to make someone who want  them to be or to do what we think  is in their own best interests, only to repeatedly fail in our attempts. This is a tragedy as well as misspent life. It's time to let go.

One of the close family members was not taking time to take care of their parents.  They were so much obsessed  with their own life and health and didn't see that it is their duty to take care of them. My wife and I tried our best to convey this  message last year to take this as priority and act on it.  What happened? One of their parents unfortunately passed away few months back. 

Wasn't it my job to guide a close family 's decisions and actions? I always thought not doing so was so selfish and uncaring. 

Thankfully what I finally learning slowly is, be it a close family member, be it your own spouse or strangers crossing our paths, must be who they are, not who we they think they should be. 

They must make their own mistakes and through what they learn, have reason to celebrate their own successes.

There are many reasons for letting go of this futile behavior, but the most important ones are they we will never succeed in controlling others and never experience peace in our own lives if we are always focussed on how other people are living or how we think they should be living. If we want to be peaceful, we must let go of how others choose to live and take care of business in one life only: our own.

Just as no one else can productively be the total focus of our lives, we cannot waste precious time thinking we are or should be the center of someone else's life either. This may come as a blow to our ego, but it is time to learn this important truth. 

This does not mean we should quit interacting with people or shut them out in order to preempt being shut out. Nor does it mean we should ignore how other people are thinking and behaving for fear we will seeek an unhealthy dependency on them.

I find observing others can be edifying and enlightening. It simply means getting perspective on our role  in all interactions and understanding  where our responsibility ends and the other person's begins. Becoming entangled in other people's actions, dreams, or dramas binds us to them in emotionally unhealthy ways and prevents the growth we deserve. 

We want people around us who will pay us constant attention, who will make no plans that don't include us, have no thoughts that aren't shared. But that's not relationship, that's dependence; it is unholy connection. Relationships that truly bring us to peace are interdependent.  As we are celebrating the independence day of USA, it is time to let go of the dependence of our happiness with other entities. Happy July 4th, USA